Why we should de-stigmatize opinion changing and make change our only routine!

Changing and routine in the same sentence! if that sounds weird to you, then you should proceed to finish the following.

I think it’s fair to say that most of us have been brought up to believe in a set of principles that are unchanging, undoubted and somehow sacred.

Most of us have felt that people who change their views or opinions are two-faced or hypocrites. and even though this might be true on some occasions, it can not be further from truth in others.

Lets say i have a person in my life that always acts extra nice and pretends to be a good friend, while talking behind my back and hating me at the same time, and I can’t stress enough the same time part enough, I can fairly think that this person is a hypocrite. But lets back up and say this person have been a genuine friend to me for a period of time, thinking I was a person they can trust and relate to, and then proceeded to change their mind and discover I am not as good of a person as they thought i was, simply stopped being my friend and expressed their opinion of me. I would not be fair to call them two-faced for simply changing their opinion.

Now consider that for everything in our lives, yes some undoubted values will always be stable, hurting other living things will never be acceptable, lying and stealing, bullying and racism will never be subjected to opinions, it’s always bad and no one can change my mind on it, but every other aspect in our life could very well be a matter of opinion.

Why can’t I like a politician for the good work he/she has done in the past few years and proceed to unlike them because they started to become corrupt, why should I be called a hypocrite for changing my stands on the situation, I have had this struggle with so many of my friend, all smart, intellectual and kind-hearted people, that are very afraid to admit they have changed their minds upon new found information and facts, thinking that change of heart will make them branded as hypocrites for not standing behind the same party till death.

My best friend of 15 years recently got me thinking of this again, we have known each other for a long time, been through everything together, cried about the same things and pursued similar ambitions. I have had to confront her recently to tell her that she is not changing! we usually confront others for changing, but somehow when we evolve or change (which is the natural course of life) we are not able to confront our life partners that they haven’t, we just say we grew apart and walk away, that’s why college friends never see each other again and once very much in love couples split.

I cared too much about my friend that I did not want to grow out of our friendship, and I told her she is not changing! we can not cry about the same things we used to cry about in high school, we can not speak of the exact same worries we had. she had lost many people from her life because of that, they just stopped caring for the same things and therefor stopped caring for her, if she had changed to the worse, they would have confronted her, if she had changed they would have called her out, but she didn’t change, she is still the same person we once enjoyed being with, so they were not able to blame her, they thought they shouldn’t admit that they have changed (as if this was a bad thing, the stigma!) and she was left wondering what went wrong and made her dear close friends walk away while she is trying to remain the exact same person.

Why can’t I search for financial security in my 20s and then find out I was chasing a dead end for me and start searching for learning experiences instead of fixed income in my 30s, or go the other way around.

Photo by Chris Lawton on Unsplash

It has become a bad word we use to brand someone as if they have commited a crime, You have changed, we say with disappointment and disgust, as if a person we have known for a few years is not allowed to change, they have to stop evolving and growing, they should stand still in the phase we met them in.

When it’s sometimes meant to incline bad behavior, it is too commonly used that it’s becoming a stigma we hand out and fear to hear for ourselves.

A human should change, personally I have noticed a pattern in somehow, that I am never the same person I was 5 years ago, and at first I was scared, but now I realize that is a good thing. 5 years ago Haya was not able to communicate with her parents, she was not as resilient to life obstacles and she had read less books and had less work/life experience.

A lot of the ideas i have strongly believed in 5 or 10 years ago have proved themselves wrong or in complete, and I am proud to say I have changed my mind on many of them, I struggled at first thinking I wasn’t staying true to my old self, but now I feel proud of this ability to change, and I accept that I have changed, admit that I had some inaccurate opinions, and may have inaccurate opinions now, and that I might change it in a few years.

As long as I am staying true to being a good human, not hurting others, not damaging the world and not breaking the law, I will fight for my right to keep on evolving as a person and changing my mind on any subject when new information about it comes to light, as long as that change of mind is happening from within and relaying on facts and rational thinking.

Published by Haya Sharani

An employee, entrepreneur, wife, friend, cat-mom, and very interested in mental health and psychology tactics.

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